you can't always get what you want

It's amazing looking back at this year, sure i've been getting better with the lack of journals but it's nice returning to why I did them in the first place.... Winter slumps.

Now I'm done with winter and dunzo first year at college!

and who says I don't have to do these blogs anymore?

sure they help with tough times but they do something else,

They give me that central idea that I myself is a human being with problems and human disfunctions who I myself can help out.... and wouldn't have it any other way.

I mean I work through my thoughts and pry each word from my rusty old mind to give a sense...

a sense of what I am feeling right at this moment. Sure some last longer but there is nothing more liberating then seeing how far you've come over a course of a year.

I look at all the old people in my course upwards of 25 and they all seem like nothing is as good as it used to be. I'm ready to grow up but if these years are as good as everyone says they are, and they are, then I'm holding on.... making a reminder that I'm here and every part of me is along with it and I'm not gunna change for anyone.

I got something this year that really made me proud to be alive, a sense of a bigger world around me and the way I fit in it, It's a great place with admission but, heh, I get what I want....

whether that changes or not it doesn't really matter.

cause I got what I need.

 

oh man the tracks on "Wild Horses" now....

time for a listen

oh nothing compares to you

I'm not saying that addiction is a bad process 

It's a phase and we all need it to crutch by certain times.

Just don't let it change you as a person.

Let it be your go-to-guy, 

but not your come-as-you-are guy

two lions out of the den

man i need to try and convince her, i need to find some fucking tale

girls are just pathways, theres a bunch that are rocky and dirty...but one you get on a good one you dont wanna get off

the horizon of it just doesnt end

thats the most optimic thing i have ever heard about women

optimic?

optimistic

ah

well they're kinda cool somtimes

make you wonder

man my experiences with girls thus far in life have been shit for the most part

thats pessimistc

well man you just gotta wait

i dont liek to look at shit that way

cuz how many times have i been like hey M i found this awesome girl...

cuz trust me if their some good inside those indecisive tits

ill find it

pessimistic means negative

i was being positive

i know dude

u know what lifes too short to be negative

i want to have a good tim e100% of the time

thats idealistic

but i gota try

i dont say be either pessimis or optimistic im jsut saying dont trust anything you don't really know yet.

thats why you gotta be gentle

man

i cant dooo gentle

i know the beggining blows but it gets easier

yeah i know

no legit

then you gotta find somone like you

i cant do it

that fucking intense

the menonites last week were railing on me because i said theirs no one girl that could handle my intensity

i gota have two

or 3

well i know a few crazy ones but i think a really calm girl would be more to your liking

man last one was really calm

no two ones ago

she was so calm it made me calm

well then it works

i couldnt read her

at all

i know were too young to play with opposites and i know i cant be as free as i once was

but i let her date me and then i get out of my skin when im away from her

man are u stoned?

no im just logical

speaking from experiance

girls lie and really know how to be right

but you can't let em

not yet anyways...

ur being really deep

well man when i listen to Bob Dylan i get like it

is there somthign wrong with it? im studying psycology and filmmaking

no absolutly not

good combo for todays world bent on selfdiscovery and feelgoodary!

i am just saying its abnormal for u

ya dig?

 hey man i always act stupid, thats the other me

i jsut dont think it matters

i just chillout and not worry about thinkin to much

i mean when i need to i do

i think all the time

100% of the time

thats good, and thats your downfall

no

i dont care

i belive theres more to your soul as well as your mind

its the way i am

kind of a 50/50

well your soul is you too

well yeah

their indegrated man

y do u think i dont go swamping

i respect that fully

your soul is YOU while your mind is the driver through life, your soul is jsut trying to get to its destination

you gotta give a few things time, trips can be long

man if u wait for shit to happen life will pass you by]

i know

but if you push too hard then life shits on you

somedays your the pigeon and some days your the statue 

what matters is how much you give and take

SCORE it looks like this bitch wants to take me for a test drive

i get what u mean

i appreciate stuff right before i go to sleep

its the last thing we can apreciate before we restart ourselves in slumber

best things happen at night

sex, drugs and rockand roll

sure we can ignor the problems in addiction but hey, everyone has to forget shit......sleep isn't that much different

word

i know i know i talk to much but hey

man fuck dont even worry about it

youd be suprised how riviting some thing are when you jsut letem fly out of the old gum flapper

the power of expression and brotherhood don't play well

but they are needed....

so whats new in Mr. N's world?

man dont change the topic.....